28 October 2009

How to Catch and Keep a Vampire Book Review & Contest

Book: How to Catch and Keep a Vampire: A Step-by-Step Guide to Loving the Bad and the Beautiful
Authoress: Diana Laurence
Pages: 160 (paperback)
Genre: Adult Fiction | Humor | Parody

Off the cover: "Who needs a book on dating a vampire? Well, Bella Swan and Sookie Stackhouse to name just two..."

My summary: This is a self-help novel for every day girls who want to find, snag, and keep a vampire. Diana Laurence covers and tackles every burning question a mortal girl might have. She dispels myths, dispenses invaluable advice, and shares tales of the sexy vampires she has met and been wooed by. By the time you finish this novel you too will be ready to meet a vampire.

My say: I will admit when I first heard of this book I thought it sounded cute but not really up my alley. Even after I started reading I was grinning but not quite sold. But once I surrendered to the fun I found my self completely sucked in. Diana Laurence's book is not just funny it is oddly believable. I was so immersed I had to remind my self it was fiction.

How to Catch and Keep a Vampire is a smile-inducing repertoire that is full of wit, snappy titles, and fantastically clever pop culture references.

I literally spent the entire time I read this book smiling and chuckling.

My favorite part?: A total tie between her mini vampire escapades and her definition and usage of the infamous red ribbon.
(i.e. Eclipse cover)

My rating: 4 stars; It is SO easy to get caught up in this comical treat.

The Meter Readings:
Kiddie-o-meter: This one is aimed for older teens and adult women. While there is no sex, violence, or social commentary it does openly discuss relationships in a mature manner.
Adult-o-meter: Perfect escapism for the vampire loving adult. It is the kind of cute book I could see my self leaving on my coffee table (or in my guest room) to amuse my house guests.

Worth-a-read?: Give this one a chance. It is so wickedly amusing.


"I don't know why everyone persists in thinking vampires don't eat or drink regular stuff as well as blood. Seriously, where's the logic? Vampires are no different than you and I in this regard. Mortals don't need to consume vanilla cherry cola and malted milk balls to survive, but they partake of them anyway."

"Most vampires do detest garlic, so ordering shrimp scampi on your dinner date may be a faux pas."

"Vampires love swoony women with spunk."

"Cocky vampire pick-up line: I can be your Lestat, your Edward, your Bill...only even better."

Enter to win my gently used paperback copy of How to Catch and Keep a Vampire. To enter you must be or become a follower and comment with your email address below. Existing followers will receive an additional entry. Contest is open to residents of the United States and Canada only. Contest ends November 30th.

My final say: Insightful but I am still a total wolf girl. *growl*

Thank you Sellers Publishing for sending me this review copy.


  1. I've seen this around but I've felt like you did at first, didn't really sound like my kind of read. After your review though, it sounds like a cute read & it might be nice to change up and read something I usually wouldn't.

    Count me in!

  2. I'm a follower

    jennsicurella at verizon dot net

    Jennifer @ Reading with Tequila

  3. Great review! Although I was a little distracted by the cover of "Hot for the Holidays" on your Shelfari widget. lol.

  4. Lol!@ the wolf girl growl and the vampire pick-up line.

    this does sound really cute...I've seen it on other people's sites but disregarded it as silly fluff. Good to know I was wrong! :D

    I'd like to be entered!


  5. Nessie: LOL yah he's totally distracting isn't he ;D

  6. I haven't seen this before, but it sound super cute.

    Count me in


  7. Gosh, Juju, do you know how to make an author's day or what? I will be smiling all day after reading this! I emailed a link to Mordred so he can put you on his "Bloggers I Will Refrain from Hurting" list. ;-) Thanks so much for giving my book a chance.

  8. Fun contest, I do want to read this book, sounds cute.

    I'm a current follower

    parajunkee (@) gmail.com

  9. Great review! I'm glad you enjoyed this book. :)

    For some reason I have a craving for pumpkin pie and candy corn. :) -- cute background!

  10. Hm, sounds cute, though i totally agree, werewolves all the way =)

    I'm an old follower


  11. Haha, I'm totally going to read this. I've heard good stuff about this one :) Your review makes me excited to read it too. Aaand I'm going to enter this contest!

    (old follower)


  12. Diana I literally dropped what I was holding when I saw I had a comment from you.

    (Luckily I was holding only a pen)

    Thank you for popping by and adding me to the list *wink wink*


  13. Hi - I hope you don't mind me stopping by just to let you know there is an award for you here

  14. enter me :)


  15. This one sounds fun :) Please enter me.
    I'm a follower


  16. It seems everywhere I turn these days its Vampires, very appropriate for Halloween!

  17. It seems everywhere I turn these days its Vampires, very appropriate for Halloween!

  18. This seems like it could be a lot of fun if you are in the right mind frame for it! Thanks for the fantastic review!BTW- I love your Trick or Treat blog page :)


  19. This looks like fun. I'll put my name in. Hey...weren't you on a vampire diet?

    Old follower


  20. This book sounds so funny. I know just who it will be the perfect present for - Yay for organising my Christmas shopping!
    (This is not a contest entry)

  21. Don't enter me as I'm from UK, but I just wanted to say that this sounds like a fun read. Anything to do with vampires and I'm there! ;) Thanks for the review!

  22. Kim: Thanks doll :)
    Alyssa: *big smile* You are so right. (Great memory) I'm still trying to stay on that diet but I strayed a little.
    Becky: Gooooo Becky! :) I'm working on my Christmas list too.

  23. I want to win! This looks funny :)


  24. I (for one) think Bella needs a lot of help. sounds like a good book

  25. Hi there! Thanks so much for stopping by my blog.
    I'm looking forward to my cooking adventures with Clara.
    Hope you stop back by to check it out.

  26. This does sound like it would be fun once you just suspend reality and go with it. Thanks for sharing it.

    foltzsfantasticbooks at gmail.ocm

  27. Hi Juju! Don't include me in the contest, I'm not in the US. But re-posted your contest at http://contests-freebies.blogspot.com/2009/10/how-to-catch-and-keep-vampire-review.html

    Goodluck to all who are participating!!

  28. This does sound like a fun one and I would love to win a copy :) thanks for the chance JuJu!

    I'm an oldie too :)

    Thank you

  29. this book sounds really hilarious!

  30. this book sounds really hilarious!

  31. Haha, well, I'm a vampire girl! But I think I'm converting now... it's a hard tie between angels and werewolves. :)
    And please enter me! I don't usually go for self-help books, but you make this one sound like a fun read. Thanks for the great review!


  32. This sounds like such a great book. I love the title by the way.

    Im a follower

  33. Sounds cute and fun! I'll admit to having a pretty serious crush on Edward, though I'm trying to calm down about it, haha. I'm sure after I see "New Moon," my obsession will be renewed!

    I'd love to win! :) Thanks!

    writing.meg [at] gmail.com

  34. Hi Vampires are my fav. polo-puppy-fluffyAThotmail *dot* com I would really love to read this book. Cheers.
    I'm a follower.

  35. sounds like a great red!
    enter me in contest:)

  36. This looks cute and hilarious! even if I don't like the color of the cover.
    And vampires love "swoony women with spunk" - I guess it's sort-of true. :-P
    I'm an existing follower


  37. This sounds hilarious! I would love this -- satirical, hehehe.

    Please enter me:


    +1 old follower

  38. Oh I really have got to read this! I like all supernatural creatures but vamps have always been my thing. I'm a follower

  39. I just love books that keep you 'smiling and chuckling'. Those are usually some of the best ones. The title alone induced a smile.


  40. *********PLEASE NOTE************
    This contest is closed.
    The winner was announced December 1st (http://www.talesofwhimsy.com/2009/12/contest-winner-how-to-catch-and-keep.html).

    Thank you to every one who entered!
    Please continue to check back for more contests.